Farewell Nation of Two

Tomorrow morning Shea and I will board a flight to Ethiopia to go meet our son. Wow. We are beyond excited and so full of joy right now. But we also know that a huge transition is about to take place. Not only for our son, who is about to lose everything he knows and come to America where he will experience new sounds, new smells, new sights, and new parents, but also for us. Shea and I like to refer to ourselves as a "nation of two" - it's a term from the book Mother Night by one of our favorite authors, Kurt Vonnegut. In the story, the main character is describing his relationship with his wife, and he says "Only one thing counted - The nation of two" and he says that if "that nation ceased to be" he would become a "stateless person." (Love that book - you all should go read it immediately, as well as every other novel by Vonnegut!). Well, our "nation" is about to expand. But damn, we've had a fantastic run as two. Just think of the fun coming for three. Tuesday will mark 3 years of marriage and 7-1/2 years of being together and we cannot imagine a better way to celebrate. Wish us luck on our journey - We'll try to update the blog while in Ethiopia, and as soon as we pass court we hope to post pictures of Truman!

Truman's Room

Here's an updated picture of one corner of Truman's room. The other side of the room contains a glider, a desk, and a large closet which is now filled with a dresser and bookshelf. The changing table in this room is the same one that Alison's mother used with her. Aww, the circle of life! We're planning to buy some artwork in Ethiopia to hang over Truman's crib.

Casualty

While we stayed safe and sound during our recent trip to New York, these Junior Mints were not so lucky...

Missing Our Pets

As predicted, we are missing our pets terribly here around the Bernard-Bigsby household. Here's some cute pictures of our pup!




Here's a fun sequence of Oskar trying to get his toy out of a tree after Shea accidentally got it stuck:





And so she doesn't feel left out, here's our beautiful cat Sophie:

She looks like she's about to fall asleep in this one:

And here's Shea with both of our animals:

Aren't they cute?

Too Much Shopping...

Gosh, it feels like all we do now is shop! We were out and about running errands for 7 hours today. That's right, 7 hours! In 95 degree heat! Ugh. But at least it was all exciting shopping. We are getting the final few necessary items for our trip. Today we picked up gifts for Truman's nannies (we settled on lotion gift packs and money), a pack-n-play (we have decided to bring one with us to Ethiopia since a crib might not be available in our guesthouse), clothes for us (including a dress for Alison to wear to court), another small suitcase, books to read on the plane (because you all know we don't already have too many books), and more toys for our boy (we couldn't help ourselves!). We also got our last necessary form notarized (the woman at the bank actually knows us now because we have had to have so many forms notarized - today when she saw us walk in she asked how the adoption was going).

Tonight we have been very focused on packing. It's actually going very well. We might even have enough room for everything - yay! We know we are completely overpacking, but we feel like we would rather have more than we need than less. We'll probably regret it when we are in the airport trying to each carry over 100 pounds of luggage with us. We'll definitely need to take advantage of the porters at the Ethiopian airports!

Oh, and we finalized plans for a taxi to pick us up to take us to the airport...in 2 days! Woohoo!!!!

Better Late Than Never

This post might seem a little out of order (it probably should have been post #1, hence the title) but we felt it was an important subject to discuss. Over the past few months, we have consistently been asked 2 big questions: #1 - why are you adopting rather than trying for a biological child, and #2 - why Ethiopia? Let's try to tackle them one at a time!

#1 - Why are you adopting rather than trying for a biological child?

Because we are a young, healthy couple who have not experienced any struggles with infertility, people are often very surprised (and sometimes confused) by our decision to begin our family with adoption. When we first begin to get these questions, we were honestly a bit taken aback by people's confusion. To us, the decision to adopt has been so natural and felt so right that we hadn't realized it might seem strange to others. We have always just done things our way, and for some reason it often seems to be different than what other people expect (remember the wedding?).

Last year, around January, we started to feel that our family might be ready to expand. We have always felt very drawn to the idea of adoption - after all, there are so many children who need homes and we have so much love to give. But when we seriously began discussions about a child, we put all of our options on the table. What may be different about us than most couples is that neither of us have ever felt an absolute urge or need to have a biological child (I guess neither of us possesses a biological clock!). So we talked and talked and talked (for those of you who know us well, you know that when we make any decisions they are VERY well thought out and probably talked to death). Whenever we seriously thought about a biological child, it always felt like "Well maybe someday, but not right now", whereas whenever we thought about adoption, we felt like "Wow, wouldn't that be special if we were able to do that?" And then we slowly realized, "Wait, we can do that" and then it became "Yes. Our child is out there somewhere in this world, how can we find him or her?" and so it began :-)

#2 - Why Ethiopia?

This question is definitely harder to answer than #1. Whenever we are asked this, our initial response is "It just felt right. We knew that's where our child was". This response often nets us many blank stares and confused expressions from families who have not adopted - whereas other adoptive parents often nod and say "I know what you mean". There is probably no way we can ever "logically" explain what led us to Ethiopia - a lot of it was gut reactions and emotional connections. As we read about different countries that had international adoption programs, we became increasingly intrigued and excited about Ethiopia. The culture is so rich, the history is so deep, and the people are so strong and loving. And the children - so beautiful, so resilient, so full of life! We could honestly go on and on about the respect and admiration we have for Ethiopian people and their culture (if you all want to know more, email us and we'll provide some great references for learning more about the country!).

When we began picturing our child, we both started envisioning a beautiful Ethiopian child. And slowly we began only looking at Ethiopian adoption programs. And then we came upon our agency's website, and everything fell into place. And we just knew. Sorry if this explanation doesn't seem like much of an explanation to you, but it's the best we can do. We honestly just knew.

Back In NC

Well, we made it back to NC safe and sound - though we are both definitely sick of being stuck in a car! In some ways the car trip was kind of good for us. We spent most of our time just talking about our little boy and how excited we are to meet him and hold him (and touch him and hug him and kiss him and love him up). We only have one weekday and one weekend left before we get on a plane to go meet him, and finally it is all starting to feel real! For a while it felt like we would never actually be going to Ethiopia (it might sound dramatic, but there is so much uncertainty and instability in international adoption that you can't take anything for granted). We have generated some pretty lengthy To Do Lists for the next 3 days, and hopefully we will have time to get everything accomplished. Truman, we're a coming!

Saying Farewell

Tonight we had a great get together will all of our immediate family members in New York - a sort of farewell before leaving for Ethiopia. It was so nice to be able to see everyone and to hear about everyone's excitement about Truman! Lately, Shea and I have been so focused on the details of preparing for our trip (what to pack, getting vaccines, finding daycare for when we come home, getting our documents ready, etc.) that sometimes our joy has gotten put on the back burner, so it was great to put our worries away for a bit and just focus on the fact that in less than a week we will be meeting our son! The support from our families throughout this process has definitely been amazing. When we began this process, we weren't sure how everyone would feel about it (starting your family through adoption is definitely a road less traveled) but everyone is 100% thrilled and very anxious and excited to meet our little guy. He will definitely be surrounded by love. Here's some pics of the shindig.

Mingling (that's Grandpa Bigsby's back):

Us with Truman's great-grandparents:

Truman's great-gradmothers:

Truman's grandmothers and uncles:

Uncle Matthew relaxing:

And Grandpa Bernard:


On a different note, I am having some anxiety about leaving my dog for 5 weeks. Some of you may laugh, but he is definitely like a child to me and I know I am going to have major separation anxiety when we have to drive away tomorrow back to North Carolina without him. He just brings such joy to our lives. But obviously we are leaving him for a very good cause and I am sure that when I am in Ethiopia I will be so in love with my son that nothing else will matter, but right now it feels hard to think about not having Oskar around. At least we know he will be well taken care of here in New York. (And yes, we are also leaving Sophie here, but we know she can take care of herself - cats are good that way!)

The Last Night As 4

Shea and I were sitting around tonight, absent mindedly throwing a toy for Oskar, when we realized that tonight is our last night as a family of 4 (yes, we consider our pets to be family members!). Tomorrow we are driving up to New York to drop off Oskar and Sophie with my mom, who has very, very, VERY generously agreed to watch our babes while we are in Ethiopia. It's kind of a bittersweet feeling, but with much more emphasis on the sweet. We will never again just sit around with our animals - we get to add one very special boy to the mix. We have big hopes that everyone will get along in this new family configuration, but we suspect that it might be a big adjustment period for everyone - especially for Oskar, who is certainly used to be top dog (pun intended).

In other news, packing is going well. We have 2-1/2 suitcases full and a pretty good idea of what will be filling up the rest. Thanks to many generous gifts and a bit too much shopping on our part, Truman has one very cute wardrobe coming his way, with many animals and dinosaurs included! This weekend we went to Ikea and purchased a very nice dresser for his room, and it is already almost full with clothes ranging from size 6 months to 24 months (we're trying to plan a bit ahead since we know he'll grow out of the small sizes very soon). We've also been working hard on cleaning up his nursery. I think we're almost there - we'll post a picture when it's presentable :-)

Oh, we almost forgot to mention, while in Charlotte this weekend we went to an Ethiopian restaurant. It was our first experience with Ethiopian food and I think we were both a little nervous. I mean, what if we hated it? We're going to be "stuck" with this stuff for about a month, so it was a little nerve-wracking. Luckily, we both very much enjoyed our meal! For those who have never had the pleasure of eating traditional Ethiopian food, it is served on a sour, spongy, pancake-like bread called Injera. To be more specific, they bring you out a large plate with the Injera covering it, and then plopped all around are different dishes. We ordered a vegetarian sampler and doro wot, which is a chicken stew. Then, on the side, we were given more Injera. It is customary to tear pieces of Injera off and use them to scoop up food - no silverware required! The Injera is a very strong flavor, unlike any we've ever tasted. It's made from a special grain unique to Ethiopia. The spices in the stews are meant to counteract the sourness (though to an American palate the sour flavor was still very powerful!) We absolutely loved the different vegetarian dishes - especially the lentils and chickpeas. And the sauce that the chicken was in was delicious! We will definitely be ordering some doro wot in Ethiopia! Oh, by the way, did I forget to mention that we will be leaving for Ethiopia in just 6 days??? :-)

It's Happening

Wow. I think we are both still a bit in shock that we will be leaving for Ethiopia in just 10 days. The past few days have been filled with random errands, like buying raincoats for us and Truman (it's rainy season in Ethiopia right now, so we thought raincoats would be a good idea), packing up suitcases, putting together our newly purchased glider, organizing Truman's room, cutting Oskar's hair, etc. There is certainly much to do around the Bernard-Bigsby house!

Tonight we had a travel webinar with our agency. We have been very pleasantly surprised with how much support and information we have already been given since receiving our court date on Tuesday. First, we had a long talk with our case worker about what to expect. Then we received an extremely long "travel guide" to read over, which contained information about what to pack, how much money to bring, what to expect in terms of accommodations, a proposed itinerary, a list of the staff at WACAP's transition house, and so on. Then tonight we had the travel webinar, which included basics such as what the airport is like, how to get our travel visa's, where to exchange American dollars for Birr, what the court process will look like, what to expect when we first meet Truman, more details and pictures about the hotel/guesthouse we'll be staying at, and a map of where we'll be staying that also showed some local restaurants, banks, and stores that sell water and diapers. And on Monday we're scheduled to have a phone conference to discuss more details about what to expect while staying in Ethiopia for an extended period of time. It has really been a relief to have all of this information. The more we get, the calmer we feel.

Some people have been asking if now that we have a court day we're going completely crazy with the wait, but it has actually, surprisingly, been the opposite. There is so much to do around the house and we've been staying so busy that the days are just flying by now. I mean, in just 12 days we'll be meeting our son! 12 days!!!

Flights Booked!

We just confirmed our airline tickets! Yay! We will be flying Ethiopian Airlines. We were hoping to fly Emirates (we've heard great things about them) but unfortunately, with such short notice, we just couldn't make it happen. So Ethiopian Airlines it is. It's pretty remarkable to think about how we just scheduled our transportation to go get our son. And it's really neat to know that we'll be arriving in Addis on our 3rd wedding anniversary. What a wonderful gift for both of us!

Oh Happy Day!!!

Well, it finally happened! We received our court date today, and (drumroll please) it is only 15 days away - July 1st! Which means we will leave for Ethiopia in less than 2 weeks!!! We are absolutely ecstatic! And to top it all off, our embassy date is scheduled for only 3-1/2 weeks after our court date. So if all goes to plan, we will be staying in Ethiopia for just one month! This will definitely save us a significant amount of money, and will allow us more time to bond with Truman at home before we have to go back to work. Yay! Here's a play by play of how we got the call:

Shea and Alison were sitting at home eating some delicious buffalo chicken wraps for lunch when the phone started ringing. We looked at each other while thinking 'Who would be calling us at 12:30? It can't be Rachel, can it?' (yes, we DEFINITELY communicated these thoughts with our eyes!). Alison then picked up the phone and saw that it was, in fact, Rachel calling. We both paused and took a long look at each other before Alison had the guts to answer the call.

Rachel: "Hello"

Alison: "Hi"

Rachel: "So, I have some good news for you"

Alison: "Really? Does it involve a court date?"

Rachel: "Yes. You have been assigned a court date of July 1st"

At this point Alison began crying and had to hand the phone to Shea, who then put it on speaker phone so we could both talk to Rachel more about the details of our trip. The next hour involved a lot of jumping up and down, huge smiles, and phone calls with our parents. We are still flying high! In less than 3 weeks we will be holding our little boy in our arms!!!

Rollercoaster Days

Whew! Over the past couple of days we have definitely experienced a very intense rollercoaster of emotions. It started yesterday, when another WACAP family who is currently in Ethiopia told us to email them because they might have more information concerning court dates. Well, we ended up emailing and then this morning we heard the most awful response - that 2 weeks ago the main social worker in Ethiopia who is in charge of getting our court dates told her that he did not think WACAP would get ANY more court dates before court closure. We were absolutely devastated. We decided to call our caseworker as soon as she got to work. Well, because we live in NC and the agency is in WA, we couldn't call until noon our time. At almost noon on the dot, we called with bated breath, fearing that she would confirm what we had heard. Luckily, this was not the case. While we did not receive our court date today, 3 other families did. So yay! At least it was not true about no more court dates. Unfortunately though, the township where our little guy is from seems to be dragging their feet about requesting a birth certificate for him - and no birth certificate = no court date. So, we continue to wait for the ever elusive court date...

Then, tonight we received an unexpected update - new measurements for Truman! In the past 5 weeks, Truman has gained 1.5lbs, which brings him up to 12.1! It was so good to hear that he's gaining weight and growing strong. Our case worker is also hopeful about getting more pictures soon. Now, of course we would like pictures, but I think the only update that would make us truly joyful is a court date! So please keep up in your thoughts and we hope that we can soon provide an elated, over-the-top excited blog update with court date included!

Another week goes by...

A bunch of you guys have been asking if we've heard any news - sadly, no we have not. It's been hard to think of anything to add to the blog this week since what we really want is to come on here and tell you we know when we'll be going to meet our son. We've been trying to focus on work-related issues - tomorrow is Alison's last day of work before summer break so she has been very busy wrapping up the school year while Shea has been working hard on his dissertation. Hopefully we'll be able to blog this week with some great news!

Hopeful

So, still no news. Well, I guess technically we've had "news", but no court date. Our news is that yes, we are not imagining it, court dates are currently delayed in Ethiopia. Here is the specific email that all WACAP families received from the director of the Ethiopian Adoption Program on Friday:

Currently, our staff in Addis have been reporting additional difficulties in scheduling court cases due to new requirements involving obtaining the child’s original birth certificate. Although this is an important step that we fully support, many children are born without formal records of their birth. This creates additional challenges and delays to obtain the proper documentation from the local governments. We expect the process to be faster overtime but for now, it has created delays.

So there you have it. While it was frustrating at first to read this, I think on the whole having this information has provided us with some peace of mind. At least we know that the staff in Ethiopia is working very hard to get us closer to our little boy. Also, we have heard from some families on our WACAP yahoo group that the staff in Ethiopia is very hopeful that they will be receiving court dates this week - and that news makes us hopeful! Sure, they were also expecting to hear last Monday or Tuesday and didn't, but we are trying to stay positive. We received the referral for Truman the day before Shea's birthday and think it would be really neat if we received our court date the day before my birthday. Considering that my birthday is Tuesday, that doesn't give the universe much time to make it happen - but I suppose we'll just have to wait and see :-)

Beyond Frustrated

So, today marks 4 weeks since the official referral of our sweet baby boy - and we are at our waiting limit! Earlier there was a rumor floating around that our agency would hear about court dates on Monday or Tuesday of this week...but then Monday and Tuesday (and now Wednesday) came and went with no news. We talked with our case worker today and she, unfortunately, had nothing to share with us. She still says a mid- to late-June court date is entirely possible, but of course can't say anything for sure. Ugh. We are just crushed. It feels like every day that goes by with no news our hearts break just a little bit more. We are just aching to hold our little boy. This is honestly the hardest thing we have ever done. There is no way to explain how painful it feels to have to sit here completely powerless when we know that Truman is half-way around the world needing us. And we need him! We just have our fingers crossed that we will hear very, very soon (tomorrow would be good!)

Shower #3!

This weekend we ventured up to New York for our 3rd and final baby shower with family and close friends. It was a long, long, loooong trip, but very worth it! It was the first time we were able to see our families since the referral of our precious boy and it was nice to be able to share the joy face to face. It was also fun to think about how the next time we are in New York Truman will be with us - Wow! From now on car trips may take us just a wee bit longer, but we are more than okay with that :-) In traditional Bernard-Bigsby style, here are some pics of the shower: