Thursday, October 7, 2010
Looking Back: Going to Court
Before I talk about our experience at our court hearing in Ethiopia, it might be helpful to give some background information regarding the legal aspects of Ethiopian adoptions. As you all may or may not know, the first step in adoption is to complete a homestudy and collect a long list of documents, referred to as a dossier. This process requires such things as fingerprinting, criminal background checks, medical clearances, education about adoption, and character references (thanks Ashley, LeeMarie, and Kim!), as well as several meetings with a social worker who writes a long (about 15 page) report that details your family background and your ability to care for a child. Once all of this information is gathered and notarized and sealed by your state government, the whole packet is sent to D.C. where it receives another official seal. Then, the packet is ready to be shipped to Ethiopia. Once a couple is matched with a child by a US adoption agency, the packet of information is reviewed by Ethiopia's Ministry of Women's Affairs (MOWA) who gives their opinion about whether or not the adoptive family should be approved for the adoption. This opinion is then handed to the Ethiopian Court, where the judge has the final say in whether the child should be placed with the family. Once this decision is made, many more documents are notarized and sealed and the packet of information is handed over to the United States Embassy in Ethiopia, which is responsible for approving the child's visa for entry into the US.
Traditionally, adoptive families only had to attend the appointment at the US Embassy. What this meant is that by the time a family left for Ethiopia, even though they had never met their child, he/she was legally adopted in the eyes of the Ethiopian government. Well, in May 2010 the Ethiopian government implemented a new rule which stated that adoptive families must attend the court hearing in Ethiopia. They also stipulated that families have to meet their child prior to the court hearing. The new rule was put in place in order to prevent corruption (we have heard horror stories of unethical adoption agencies sharing child information with families, and then the family coming to pick up their child only to find that the child they have now legally adopted was not the child they were shown pictures and medical information for). What this meant for us is that we could either go to Ethiopia, meet Truman, go to court, come back to the States (minus Truman) and then go back to Ethiopia about 4 weeks later for our US Embassy Appt, or stay in Ethiopia between court and Embassy. Because both Shea and I are lucky enough to have the summers off from work, it was only natural for us to decide to stay in Ethiopia, especially since we learned that we would get to take custody of Truman as soon as we passed court.
Another important piece of information is that our adoption agency was the first agency to schedule court hearings under this new "2 Trip" rule, and we were in the first group of families to receive court dates. Basically, this means we became guinea pigs for how this new system would work - which was a very scary prospect!
So we arrived in Ethiopia very early in the morning on Wednesday June 30th and had court scheduled for Thursday July 1st. During the afternoon on the 30th, our lawyer, Ato Teklu, approached us and asked if we were staying between court and Embassy. When we replied yes, he said "Oh, that's good, because we might have a problem with your court date tomorrow". As it turned out, MOWA had recommended that a birth family representative for Truman Bekalu attend court with us, but for reasons which we are keeping private this was not a viable option for our case. Ato Teklu explained that the judge might decide to delay our court case for a week or two in order to give him more time to try and locate a birth family representative, which, he explained, would basically just delay things since our specific circumstances made this task impossible. Well, we, of course, immediately panicked. If the judge decided to delay our case, that meant we would not be able to take custody of Truman for days or weeks later than we expected. As is his usual style, Ato Teklu then tried to calm our fears and just kept saying "I think it will be fine".
We woke up the next morning very nervous. We knew that Mesfin, WACAP's driver, was going to arrive at 9:00am to take us to court so we got up at 7:30am to have time to get dressed and eat some breakfast. At breakfast we were able to talk with 3 couples who had gone through court the day before (the first couples of any agency to attend court!) and they gave us some advice and told us a little bit about what to expect, which definitely helped calm our nerves.
Typically, Ethiopians run a little late (1-2 hours, usually), but this morning Mesfin was right on time! We all boarded the van and were on our way. We noticed that Ato Teklu was not in the van, and Mesfin told us that he was going to meet us at the court house. It turned out we were less than 5 minutes away, and were soon walking up 4 flights of stairs in order to get to the court waiting room. The court building was pretty overwhelming - there were people everywhere! Our little group of 7 (3 couples and WACAP's program coordinator) received a lot of looks as we walked up. Later, Ato Teklu explained that Ethiopians are not used to seeing large groups of white people walking around, so we were a sight to behold!
We ended up in a small waiting room about the size of a classroom that had chairs all around the walls and a small platform at the back (not sure what its purpose was). We all took a seat and within minutes every chair was full and people were crowding around the stage. Ato Teklu soon walked in and told us not to be nervous (an impossible task!). He said he was confident that everything was going to be fine. While waiting, an in-country representative for another American adoption agency approached Ato Teklu and asked him what we were all doing there. When Ato Teklu explained that we were there for court, the man was very surprised. He explained that his agency was going to try to delay sending people to court under the new 2-Trip rule until other agencies had tried the new system. Ato Teklu explained that we were in the first group of families and that he had no fears. As he explained it, he was "confident" in our paperwork. It was neat to see how proud it made him to be able to enter court with no fears, and it helped us relax a little bit.
Soon, the judge arrived and she began calling in parties. Within 20 minutes, one of the families we were with was called in. Eek! At this point we started becoming extremely nervous. As often happens in nerve-wracking situations, my stomach was aflutter! After about only 10 minutes, the family exited the court room. And then, the next family was called. After about 7 minutes, they came back out. Then, it was our turn!
Honestly, much of the court hearing is a blur in my memory. I was so tense and afraid that I asked Shea to do a lot of the talking. I just remember that we came in and sat in 2 chairs right in front of the judge, who was a young woman (probably about 30 years old). She was very nice to us and could tell that we were nervous. She had a list of questions in front of her which she asked in English, but seemed to skip around based on our responses. In our situation, she was very intrigued by the fact that we were so young and had decided to adopt rather than try for a biological child. She asked us a lot about why we would choose this path and a lot about how our families felt about it. At some points the questions didn't even seem relevant to the adoption - I think she was more curious than anything else. She asked about our knowledge about Ethiopia and about our reasons for wanting to adopt from Ethiopia. She ended by making us promise that we would treat Truman Bekalu as though he were our biological child, and then she started signing forms. We were both a bit confused when she told us we could leave. She had never mentioned anything about a birth family representative so we weren't sure what that meant.
After we left the room, Ato Teklu explained that he had come to court very early and had met with the judge in private to discuss our case. After she heard about the specific circumstances of our case she decided that there would be no point in delaying the hearing. When we asked Ato Teklu why he didn't tell us that while we were waiting, he just smiled and said "I told you it would all be fine." (For those of you who know Ato Teklu, this is a very, very, VERY common response!!!)
When court ended, Shea and I both felt such a mixture of emotions. On the one hand, we felt a huge sense of relief that everything had gone fine as well as crazy excitement that we would soon get to take custody of our son! On the other hand, we both felt a heavy sadness about the fact that we would probably never get the opportunity to meet Truman's birth relatives. I still feel great sadness and guilt about this loss. I wish we had more information to someday give Truman about his birth family. After reading many books and articles about adoption, I know how important it can be for children to have this link to their past, and I am devastated that this is something we will never have to offer Truman. I suppose that is one of the great dichotomies of adoption - there is always sadness along with the happiness. But that day, we left the court room trying to focus on the happiness - that within hours we would be united with Truman and start our life as a Forever Family.
Traditionally, adoptive families only had to attend the appointment at the US Embassy. What this meant is that by the time a family left for Ethiopia, even though they had never met their child, he/she was legally adopted in the eyes of the Ethiopian government. Well, in May 2010 the Ethiopian government implemented a new rule which stated that adoptive families must attend the court hearing in Ethiopia. They also stipulated that families have to meet their child prior to the court hearing. The new rule was put in place in order to prevent corruption (we have heard horror stories of unethical adoption agencies sharing child information with families, and then the family coming to pick up their child only to find that the child they have now legally adopted was not the child they were shown pictures and medical information for). What this meant for us is that we could either go to Ethiopia, meet Truman, go to court, come back to the States (minus Truman) and then go back to Ethiopia about 4 weeks later for our US Embassy Appt, or stay in Ethiopia between court and Embassy. Because both Shea and I are lucky enough to have the summers off from work, it was only natural for us to decide to stay in Ethiopia, especially since we learned that we would get to take custody of Truman as soon as we passed court.
Another important piece of information is that our adoption agency was the first agency to schedule court hearings under this new "2 Trip" rule, and we were in the first group of families to receive court dates. Basically, this means we became guinea pigs for how this new system would work - which was a very scary prospect!
So we arrived in Ethiopia very early in the morning on Wednesday June 30th and had court scheduled for Thursday July 1st. During the afternoon on the 30th, our lawyer, Ato Teklu, approached us and asked if we were staying between court and Embassy. When we replied yes, he said "Oh, that's good, because we might have a problem with your court date tomorrow". As it turned out, MOWA had recommended that a birth family representative for Truman Bekalu attend court with us, but for reasons which we are keeping private this was not a viable option for our case. Ato Teklu explained that the judge might decide to delay our court case for a week or two in order to give him more time to try and locate a birth family representative, which, he explained, would basically just delay things since our specific circumstances made this task impossible. Well, we, of course, immediately panicked. If the judge decided to delay our case, that meant we would not be able to take custody of Truman for days or weeks later than we expected. As is his usual style, Ato Teklu then tried to calm our fears and just kept saying "I think it will be fine".
We woke up the next morning very nervous. We knew that Mesfin, WACAP's driver, was going to arrive at 9:00am to take us to court so we got up at 7:30am to have time to get dressed and eat some breakfast. At breakfast we were able to talk with 3 couples who had gone through court the day before (the first couples of any agency to attend court!) and they gave us some advice and told us a little bit about what to expect, which definitely helped calm our nerves.
Typically, Ethiopians run a little late (1-2 hours, usually), but this morning Mesfin was right on time! We all boarded the van and were on our way. We noticed that Ato Teklu was not in the van, and Mesfin told us that he was going to meet us at the court house. It turned out we were less than 5 minutes away, and were soon walking up 4 flights of stairs in order to get to the court waiting room. The court building was pretty overwhelming - there were people everywhere! Our little group of 7 (3 couples and WACAP's program coordinator) received a lot of looks as we walked up. Later, Ato Teklu explained that Ethiopians are not used to seeing large groups of white people walking around, so we were a sight to behold!
We ended up in a small waiting room about the size of a classroom that had chairs all around the walls and a small platform at the back (not sure what its purpose was). We all took a seat and within minutes every chair was full and people were crowding around the stage. Ato Teklu soon walked in and told us not to be nervous (an impossible task!). He said he was confident that everything was going to be fine. While waiting, an in-country representative for another American adoption agency approached Ato Teklu and asked him what we were all doing there. When Ato Teklu explained that we were there for court, the man was very surprised. He explained that his agency was going to try to delay sending people to court under the new 2-Trip rule until other agencies had tried the new system. Ato Teklu explained that we were in the first group of families and that he had no fears. As he explained it, he was "confident" in our paperwork. It was neat to see how proud it made him to be able to enter court with no fears, and it helped us relax a little bit.
Soon, the judge arrived and she began calling in parties. Within 20 minutes, one of the families we were with was called in. Eek! At this point we started becoming extremely nervous. As often happens in nerve-wracking situations, my stomach was aflutter! After about only 10 minutes, the family exited the court room. And then, the next family was called. After about 7 minutes, they came back out. Then, it was our turn!
Honestly, much of the court hearing is a blur in my memory. I was so tense and afraid that I asked Shea to do a lot of the talking. I just remember that we came in and sat in 2 chairs right in front of the judge, who was a young woman (probably about 30 years old). She was very nice to us and could tell that we were nervous. She had a list of questions in front of her which she asked in English, but seemed to skip around based on our responses. In our situation, she was very intrigued by the fact that we were so young and had decided to adopt rather than try for a biological child. She asked us a lot about why we would choose this path and a lot about how our families felt about it. At some points the questions didn't even seem relevant to the adoption - I think she was more curious than anything else. She asked about our knowledge about Ethiopia and about our reasons for wanting to adopt from Ethiopia. She ended by making us promise that we would treat Truman Bekalu as though he were our biological child, and then she started signing forms. We were both a bit confused when she told us we could leave. She had never mentioned anything about a birth family representative so we weren't sure what that meant.
After we left the room, Ato Teklu explained that he had come to court very early and had met with the judge in private to discuss our case. After she heard about the specific circumstances of our case she decided that there would be no point in delaying the hearing. When we asked Ato Teklu why he didn't tell us that while we were waiting, he just smiled and said "I told you it would all be fine." (For those of you who know Ato Teklu, this is a very, very, VERY common response!!!)
When court ended, Shea and I both felt such a mixture of emotions. On the one hand, we felt a huge sense of relief that everything had gone fine as well as crazy excitement that we would soon get to take custody of our son! On the other hand, we both felt a heavy sadness about the fact that we would probably never get the opportunity to meet Truman's birth relatives. I still feel great sadness and guilt about this loss. I wish we had more information to someday give Truman about his birth family. After reading many books and articles about adoption, I know how important it can be for children to have this link to their past, and I am devastated that this is something we will never have to offer Truman. I suppose that is one of the great dichotomies of adoption - there is always sadness along with the happiness. But that day, we left the court room trying to focus on the happiness - that within hours we would be united with Truman and start our life as a Forever Family.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Truman Loves His Dog!
This evening the weather was very pleasant, so we brought our picnic blanket outside again and had Truman sitting up on it. Oskar had one of his toys with him and as soon as Shea threw the toy Truman started going crazy with laughter! Luckily we had the video camera nearby and were able to capture it on film. (Sorry about the specks on the video image - I guess it's time we clean our lens!)
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
New Day, New Hat
Today, Truman and Mommy went shopping in search of a new winter hat to keep the baby boy nice and warm on these cool autumn days. We found a bunch of cute ones at Old Navy, but settled on this blue one - really, it was the pom pom on top that sold us! When we got home we decided to put it to good use :-)
Monday, October 4, 2010
Picnic Sans Food
It is finally starting to feel like Fall here in NC, and our little family of 3 is loving the weather! As we've mentioned before, Truman absolutely LOVES to be outside, and the cooler temperatures are making it possible for us to spend more time outdoors. Today we celebrated the beautiful weather with a "picnic" in our backyards. It was fun to just hangout, and Truman enjoyed pulling at the grass and watching Oskar run around. Here are some pics (and yes, I agree that the hat is a bit silly looking, but Truman has grown out of all his cute hats - I guess it's time to go shopping!):
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Sunday Snapshots
Truman in his Mommy's favorite jammies:
Truman having fun playing:
Truman saying "Who, me?"
Truman working on crawling:
Truman having fun playing:
Truman saying "Who, me?"
Truman working on crawling:
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Baby's First Trip to the Zoo
Today we took Truman to the NC Zoo for the first time. The last time we went to the zoo, a little over a year ago, we thought about how fun it would be to take our future child there, and today we were lucky enough to make that happen! Truman loves being outside so we figured that at the very least he would enjoy getting to walk around all day. And even though he seemed to like looking at the other zoo patrons more than the animals, we still had a great time! Here are some of our favorite pics from the day:
Friday, October 1, 2010
3 Months United!
Today marks 3 months of being a forever family (we took custody of Truman Bekalu on July 1st in Ethiopia). While in same ways it feels like just days ago that we met our boy, it also feels as though we have always known him. When I think about how Truman has handled this tough start to life that he has been given, I feel so proud. Maybe that sounds strange to be proud of a 7-month old boy, but that's exactly how I feel when I think about our son. I feel so proud about how calmly he has handled the HUGE transition from birthmother to orphanage to transition house to MVP of the Bernard-Bigsby family. I feel proud how when we first met Truman he could not roll over and now he can roll in a line across the room, scoot backwards like a champ, turn 360 degrees if the mood suits him, and even take up to 3 steps while holding onto something for balance. I feel proud that while he used to often require a pacifier to calm himself down now if we give him one he chews on it for a second before taking it out, examining it, and putting it down in favor of a better toy. I feel proud that we used to need to swaddle Truman quite tight in order for him to be calm and sleep but now, more times than not, he prefers to hangout in his crib for a bit before quietly talking himself to sleep. I feel proud that while when we first took Truman out and about to run errands he would get overwhelmed very easily and become very quiet but yesterday at the doctors he was the loudest kid in the waiting room, talking, laughing, and telling stories. I feel proud that while when Truman used to get upset he would require a bottle to calm down now all he needs is a minute or two of his Mom or Pa rocking him before he feels better. I feel proud that while it used to be difficult for Truman to coordinate just picking up a toy, now he can pass one back and forth in his hands, bang it against his leg or other objects to make fun noises, or throw it all the way across the room if he feels like it. I feel proud that while he used to be a bit reserved and cry only when he was hungry or tired (seriously, he once had a 101 degree fever and ear infection and hardly made a peep), he's now opening up and will let us know if he's not feeling well or he's mad about not getting his way (like when he wanted to play with my diet coke can but wasn't allowed so threw a little fit). Most of all I feel proud, honored, and humbled by the love and trust that our little boy has been willing to give his Mommy and Daddy. I mean it when I say that every day that we get to spend with Truman feels like a gift - we just feel so lucky to have this very special boy in our lives! We love you, baby!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
